ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
