You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Randomize
