Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Randomize
