I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Randomize
