Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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