So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So much rum. So many feels.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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