grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
