He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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