you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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