so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
