so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
