let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
