I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
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