tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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