I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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