My nipple is on Facebook.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
