Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
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