so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
