hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I didn't notice because vodka
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
