You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
