We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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