so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
