I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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