He uses pillows to masturbate.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
