tell your sister to shave her snatch
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
