I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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