I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
