So drunk its hurt
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
