sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
