You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
