the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
