We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
someone owes me an orgasm
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
