Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
