Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
