That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
