If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
