I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
