she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
