I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Just cropdusted the office
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Randomize
