super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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