if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
