i just google imaged poop.
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
