Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
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