You don't have asthma, your pregnant
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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