if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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