Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
