He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
