she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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