so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
