I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
