My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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