Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Randomize
