THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
